The Mask We’re Told to Wear
Leadership often comes with a script: be polished, be strategic, be effective. But it also comes with a list of things you’re subtly—or explicitly—told not to be. Don’t be too emotional. Don’t be too vulnerable. Don’t be too loud, too soft, too different. Don’t be too queer, too introverted, too unconventional. Don’t show uncertainty. Don’t reveal your quirks. Don’t challenge the status quo unless it’s trending.
We’re taught to curate, not connect. To perform, not reveal. To lead from a place of control rather than authenticity. And in doing so, we risk becoming distant, diluted versions of ourselves—leaders who are technically competent but emotionally inaccessible.
But real leadership doesn’t come from following a script. It comes from breaking it. Authentic leadership isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a radical act. It means showing up with your values, your quirks, your truth. And yes, when you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, it takes guts & resolve.
Being authentic in leadership means risking judgment. It means saying, “This is who I am,” in rooms that may not be ready to hear it. Whether you're queer, neurodivergent, introverted, or simply different, leading authentically means choosing truth over comfort.
And often, you’ll be asking people who don’t “approve of” or “understand” your authentic self to follow you. That’s what leaders do—they lead. Of course, it’s always easier to mask the real you and justify it as “the right thing to do,” or even “necessary, given the circumstances.” But when you do, your decisions become clouded by a false narrative. It also impedes your trust factor—after all, you’re hiding something, right? And people usually can tell.
The Challenges Along the Way
I wish I could say that showing up as your true self and leading out loud is easy, with few challenges. But nothing could be further from the truth. The challenges are immense—more than most people realize.
The more visible ones—discrimination, defamation, limited upward mobility—are easier to identify. While people may not always admit it, they’re aware of these because the community has been brave enough to raise awareness.
Less visible are the internal battles: imposter syndrome, isolation, and severe burnout. We feel like we don’t belong. We feel different—and that causes us to hold back. We’re more likely to burn out due to the energy we spend monitoring our appearance, actions, mannerisms, and more. Most days, we’re fighting something internal—and it’s in addition to the normal battles that leadership & life present.
A Personal Story: Choosing Truth Over Comfort
Until now, I haven’t openly shared one experience that shaped me more than I’d like to admit. Early in my career, I was a rising manager at an electronics retail company. I had decided it was in my best interest not to openly share my orientation, given the challenges I’ve just described.
However, my manager at the time suspected I was gay—and set out to discredit me, my work, and effectively end my career. There were daily hidden attacks: undoing work I had spent hours or days completing, then reporting to leadership that I wasn’t performing. He tried to discredit me to my peers and teams and even pressured me to lead in a more threatening fashion, hoping it would undermine the trust I had spent years building.
In the end, he was fired for non-performance. But when I applied to fill his position, I hit a brick wall. Leadership wouldn’t consider me—regardless of my experience or tenure. I was the only manager left from the original team, which had already been replaced twice. That’s when I learned about the hidden campaign my former manager had waged. Peers—who had been afraid to speak up—began telling me about the plan he had shared with them and the effort he had put into trying to get rid of me.
I outlasted him at the company, but the damage was done. After realizing leadership wasn’t going to reconsider promoting me, I left and followed my dream: banking. It was the best move I could have made in so many ways.
This time, I led differently. I led openly and proudly. Not “in your face” loud—but loud enough to be seen and heard. And yes, it was challenging. Very challenging.
But I found that people trusted me more. I didn’t come across as hiding something, and the voice I brought to the company was both needed and valuable—as reflected in my rapid rise. Yes, I hit roadblocks. Yes, not everyone was keen on having a gay leader or teammate. But that simply built my resilience. Because I was there to stay.
I never found a perfect solution for imposter syndrome or burnout. I never truly felt I had earned the right to be at the table. But now, leading my own company—30 years later, I don’t feel that anymore. And I am happy about that, even if it did take a lifetime.
The Daily Choice to Be Real
I’ve learned that authenticity isn’t a destination, it’s a daily choice. Some days it’s easy. Other days, it’s a quiet rebellion. But every time I choose it, I grow. And every time I see someone else choose it, I’m reminded why it matters.
Some years ago, a friend and former colleague at the bank contacted me simply to thank me. “For what?” I asked. “For being your authentic self,” he said. Because I was leading out loud and unapologetically, he felt seen. And safer. And encouraged to lead openly himself. All these years later, that had stayed with him.
It was a humbling experience. I hadn’t really considered how my actions as a leader might affect others in the same position. I was simply being authentic. It was then that I began to understand the impact of leading authentically—and I doubled down on the effort.
It was no longer just about me; it was about all those who felt they had to hide.
I realized that while my platform might not be as big as some, it was larger than many. And I needed to ensure I used it to its fullest.
Leading out loud became part of my brand—and it still is. What started as a personal act of courage evolved into a professional signature. It’s amazing how something as simple as being your authentic self can ripple outward, creating safe spaces for others to do the same.
When you lead with truth, you give silent permission for others to show up fully. You become a mirror, a signal, a refuge. People begin to breathe easier around you—not because you have all the answers, but because you’ve made it clear that they don’t have to hide. That they’re seen. That they belong.
Authenticity isn’t just a personal win—it’s a cultural shift. It transforms teams, reshapes conversations, and builds trust that can’t be faked. And over time, it becomes magnetic. People gravitate toward leaders who are real, not perfect. Who are vulnerable, not performative. Who are consistent, not curated.
Leading out loud isn’t just a style, it’s a legacy. And every time I choose it, I’m reminded that the most powerful thing I can offer isn’t just strategy or vision, it’s truth
If you’re a leader—or want to be—start with this:
What part of yourself have you been hiding to fit in?
What would happen if you let it lead?
About the Author
Chris Surrett-Forgach is the co-founder of Arise Entertainment and brings over 30 years of leadership in banking and technology to the world of storytelling, streaming, and game design. After decades spent building trust, driving transformation, and leading organizations, Chris now works to help others show up with confidence and authenticity—creating space for bold stories, joyful connection, and shared fun through inclusive content and original board and card games. Whether developing campaigns, shaping voiceovers, or advocating for mental health and marginalized voices, Chris leads with authenticity, purpose, and heart.
YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/@AriseEntertainment
Game Storefront: https://ariseentertainment.shop
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